The nice people in the Modern Oats marketing department claim to have one simple goal:

“To change the perception of old-fashioned oatmeal to un-boring.”

Editor’s Note: Given that old-fashioned oatmeal actually IS really and truly totally boring we figured these guys might just be ex-silicon-valley venture capitalists gone all-Birkenstock and bird seed — just trying to trick us into signing on for some sexy-sounding groats. So we did a little digging to try to find out how on earth sun-dried Prairie cattle fodder becomes Bermy’s newest fast food + health food fave?

Un-boring Oatmeal STEP 1: As we understand it, Modern Oats company buyers crisscross the US midwest and the Canadian Prairies reaping topnotch, non-GMO (not genetically-modified and apparently not in a vintage Volkswagen camper van with a couple of surfboards bungee-corded to the roof either,) gluten-free, rolled oats from family-run, small-farm operations.

Granted, they’re on a self-proclaimed glorious and virtuous quest but can you imagine driving across flat, beige-from-dawn-till-dusk grassland all day haggling with half-haggard farmers who have to talk to oats all day, all the while with one-bar cellular service? Exactly! And we were still uber-bored until…

…until we came across this totally un-boring panorama of a day when a threatening mid-western summer sky photoshopped the calico colours of a half-harvested Kansas wheat field into Gordon Sumner solid golds and Dorothy-emerald greens (shot brought to you by James Watkins over at Flickr.) All of a sudden the handle, “Modern Jon: All-Natural Oat Buyer at large” starts to transcend mind-numbingly mundane and grab some gluten-free glam.

… and when you factor in the fact that there’s probably a line on his pay stub that reads, “Premium for: soulless scenery [checked], lifeless landscapes [checked], immeasurable monotony [checked],” plus a special expense account for the sanity-saving oases of country road yard sales and 25-cent homemade lemonade stands like this one from Joshua Ommen, also at Flickr things start getting a lot more tasty.

Un-boring Oatmeal STEP 2: After winnowing a continent’s worth of these innocent little steamrolled-flat grains, Modern Oats all-natural gluten-free oats are carefully blended with

• fruits like mangos, apples, goji and Saskatoon berries (read more about the Canada-US Saskatoon berry super-food war at Time Magazine);
• pine nuts, walnuts, and coconuts;
• flax, sunflower, and chia seeds

and PRESTO: taste, colour, texture: the perfect, healthy, modern breakfast or snack: better. fast. food! Modern Oats’ convenient oatmeal cups are the ideal healthy snack for the on-the-go office. Keep one at your desk, or in your bag (or maybe locked in the safe would be best) or keep a basketful of them next to any Keurig brewer that dispenses hot water.

We’re currently stocking six Modern Oats varieties here at Convenience Coffee: 5 berry, apple walnut, chocolate cherry, goji blueberry, mango blackberry and nuts & seeds.

DIRECTIONS:

1. Just add hot water, wait three minutes, stir and enjoy! (Your patience isn’t three minutes long? Scroll down for Harley the Cockatoo’s cure for un-boring that too…)

SERVING SUGGESTIONS:

1. MODERN OATS are packaged in portable, 2.1 to 2.6-ounce cups (12 to a case) so they’re the ultimate in fast, all-natural convenience (Just like us! Yay!) whether you’re in a hurry or just need an easy way to get something healthy and delicious into the kids.
2. Try replacing one serving of junk food a day with a serving of all-natural Modern Oats and let us know what happens.
3. Try a twelve-pack on your way to your six-pack, just message Kevin or Herwig to order a free sample of the varieties you think you’d like with your next office or home delivery [ALSO FREE BTW – SERIOUSLY!] of Bermuda’s favourite coffees, teas and hot cocoas!

Un-boring Oatmeal CONCLUSION: MODERN OATS oats not only make for a quick, healthy breakfast, their website features a ton of fast, easy, yummy oat recipes: from pancakes to crepes to an awesome-looking vegan, gluten-free almond joy mug cake!

We think (and so do more and more Convenience Coffee office coffee service customers everyday) that if getting in a healthy, energy-sustaining snack at the office is this easy and this un-boring, it’s totally worth a couple of bucks a pop. Modern Oats all-natural instant oats are vegan, Kosher, Parve and Halal-certified and if you buy a bunch of them you can have the most un-boring fun ever, as demonstrated in this video by Harley the Cockatoo.

If you’re counting calories, most Modern Oats varieties weigh in at about 300 kcal per serving. Complete details are on the package and here’s a quick myfitnesspal.com look at the numbers. If you’re gluten-intolerant here’s an honest, independent review of Modern Oats Apple Walnut from the vegetarian foodie at celiathlete.com.

Convenience Coffee delivers Modern Oats: Real Fast Food everywhere in Bermuda that we deliver our super-convenient Office Coffee Service. All-natural, non-GMO, fruity and nutty stuff. PRESTO again!  LIFE — more goodness and less boringness.